* The Chemically Enhanced Comedy of Brian Lee *
The 2009 Mid Year Review!
2009 is already half-way over. Time is indeed flying....even here in
back-water, inbred Southern Maryland. Let's look at what has
happened so far:
SPORTS: Might as well start with the obvious. First the Steelers win the
Super Bowl...then the Pens win the Stanley Cup. Pittsburgh is officially
the "City of Champions" again (I know..the Pirates suck...but that is the
fault of the management). Baseball continues to filled with overpaid
cheaters (i.e. NY Yankees). Don't even ask about Basketball, Soccer,
and NASCAR...they are not even real sports. And speaking of
soccer...nice job by Daniel Tosh stealing my "Third World Soccer" jokes
on his t.v. show. Read the rants...I wrote about that a year ago.
ENTERTAINMENT NEWS: I saw a lot of movies this year.
HAIL AND FAREWELL: Congratulations going out to a few of my friends.
First, Happy Retirement to my good friend Roy N. Roy, you bailed me out
more than once...and it will always be appreciated. Good luck in the
movie-making business. Remember, I am available for any "villain" role
you need to cast! Second, a special congratulations to Jon and Nichole
C. on the pending addition to their family. Nichole, please remember that
if you want me to be "Uncle Brian", you have to deal with all the
"mentoring" that comes with that title. I am a GREAT role model. Finally,
Donna B., glad you made it back safe, and Jennifer B., make sure you
stay safe and get home soon.
CELEBRITY NEWS: Wow, June was NOT a good month to be a celebrity.
I believe that in SOME cases, it is too soon to start the jokes. However, I
am still wondering why I am supposed to feel bad that Michael Jackson
died. I guess I wasn't "touched" by MJ like everyone else was.
ON THE STAGE: Finally back at it! Cerebral Punishment, Inc. is now in a
working relationship with Issues Entertainment and business is
booming. Brandon and Chris are two very funny dudes, to say the least.
The next few months are going to be CRAZY!
ON THE HOME FRONT: My parents continue to gamble away my
inheritance. I should have never took them to the casino that first time.
If I could just teach them to win on the dollar slots, everything would be
fine. Also, congratulations to Alex S. on nailing a 4.0 GPA for the Spring
Semester at WVU. Keep up the good work, Monster!
And finally, by special request, I have geared most of this months new
De-motivational Posters to the "Guys at the Office". Enjoy the pics!
Now, we sit back and wait to see what the rest of the year brings. Hope
yours is a good one.
Till next time......drinks are on me,
BL
| next show: to be announced...soon! |
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Cerebral
Punishment
Punishment
Reasons to Drink for July
1 1967 - Happy Birthday Pam Anderson.
2 1566 - French astrologer and prophet Nostradamus dies. Wonder if
he saw it coming?
3 1969 & 1971 - Brian Jones of the Rolling Stones and Jim Morrison are
found dead. Bad day to be a rock star, eh?
4 1960 - The 50 star U.S. Flag made its debut in Philadelphia, PA. 4
minutes later, it was stolen by some "locals".
5 1946 - The bikini bathing suit made its debut.
6 1699 - Capt. William Kidd, the pirate, was captured in Boston, MA and
deported back to England. Was he really deported or did he just hate
Boston too?
7 1984 - The song "Relax", by Frankie Goes To Hollywood became the
biggest selling song of all time in Britain. Feel free to make your own
British-Gay joke here.
8 1961 - Happy Birthday Toby Keith.
9 1956 - Happy Birthday Tom Hanks.
10 1975 - Cher filed for divorce from Greg Allman just 10 days after they
were married. Even when you are THAT high, you can't stand to listen to
her.
11 1946 - Dean Martin recorded his first 4 songs.
12 1937 - Happy Birthday Bill Cosby.
13 1946 - Happy Birthday Cheech Marin.
14 1967 - The Who began their first full scale U.S. tour.
15 1952 - Happy Birthday Terry O'Quinn (Lost & Millennium)
16 1967 - Happy Birthday Will Ferrell.
17 (undisclosed year) - Happy Birthday to my Sis, Lisa M!
18 1970 - Pink Floyd and Deep Purple played a free concert at London's
Hyde Park. How cool would that have been?
19 1969 - The Rolling Stones released "Honky Tonk Woman".
20 1974 - Joey Ramone became the lead singer of The Ramones.
Well, that was convenient.
21 1999 - The missing plane of John F. Kennedy Jr. was found off the
coast of Martha's Vineyard. What is it about Kennedy's and water?
22 1955 - Happy Birthday Willem Dafoe.
23 1949 - Happy Birthday Don Imus, the pioneer of free speech.
24 1956 - Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis ended their team.
25 1974 - Happy Birthday Tera Patrick.
26 2000 - Oasis stormed off the stage after being hit with bottles, cans,
and coins at a Swiss music festival. Man they suck!
27 1974 - Lynyrd Skynrd's "Sweet Home Alabama" was released. 4
minutes later, the phrase "Play some Skynrd, man" was coined.
28 1896 - The city of Miami, FL, was incorporated....by Cuba, apparently.
29 1959 - The Isley Brothers recorded "Shout".
30 2001 - Lance Armstrong became the first American to win three
consecutive Tours de France. Hell yeah.....fuck you, Frogs!
31 1976 - Blue Oyster Cult's "Don't Fear the Reaper" was released.
MORE COWBELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1 1967 - Happy Birthday Pam Anderson.
2 1566 - French astrologer and prophet Nostradamus dies. Wonder if
he saw it coming?
3 1969 & 1971 - Brian Jones of the Rolling Stones and Jim Morrison are
found dead. Bad day to be a rock star, eh?
4 1960 - The 50 star U.S. Flag made its debut in Philadelphia, PA. 4
minutes later, it was stolen by some "locals".
5 1946 - The bikini bathing suit made its debut.
6 1699 - Capt. William Kidd, the pirate, was captured in Boston, MA and
deported back to England. Was he really deported or did he just hate
Boston too?
7 1984 - The song "Relax", by Frankie Goes To Hollywood became the
biggest selling song of all time in Britain. Feel free to make your own
British-Gay joke here.
8 1961 - Happy Birthday Toby Keith.
9 1956 - Happy Birthday Tom Hanks.
10 1975 - Cher filed for divorce from Greg Allman just 10 days after they
were married. Even when you are THAT high, you can't stand to listen to
her.
11 1946 - Dean Martin recorded his first 4 songs.
12 1937 - Happy Birthday Bill Cosby.
13 1946 - Happy Birthday Cheech Marin.
14 1967 - The Who began their first full scale U.S. tour.
15 1952 - Happy Birthday Terry O'Quinn (Lost & Millennium)
16 1967 - Happy Birthday Will Ferrell.
17 (undisclosed year) - Happy Birthday to my Sis, Lisa M!
18 1970 - Pink Floyd and Deep Purple played a free concert at London's
Hyde Park. How cool would that have been?
19 1969 - The Rolling Stones released "Honky Tonk Woman".
20 1974 - Joey Ramone became the lead singer of The Ramones.
Well, that was convenient.
21 1999 - The missing plane of John F. Kennedy Jr. was found off the
coast of Martha's Vineyard. What is it about Kennedy's and water?
22 1955 - Happy Birthday Willem Dafoe.
23 1949 - Happy Birthday Don Imus, the pioneer of free speech.
24 1956 - Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis ended their team.
25 1974 - Happy Birthday Tera Patrick.
26 2000 - Oasis stormed off the stage after being hit with bottles, cans,
and coins at a Swiss music festival. Man they suck!
27 1974 - Lynyrd Skynrd's "Sweet Home Alabama" was released. 4
minutes later, the phrase "Play some Skynrd, man" was coined.
28 1896 - The city of Miami, FL, was incorporated....by Cuba, apparently.
29 1959 - The Isley Brothers recorded "Shout".
30 2001 - Lance Armstrong became the first American to win three
consecutive Tours de France. Hell yeah.....fuck you, Frogs!
31 1976 - Blue Oyster Cult's "Don't Fear the Reaper" was released.
MORE COWBELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Get to know Brian Lee:
Every month, we will post some random fact about Brian Lee. That
way, you can impress your friends with your knowledge of your favorite
entertaining inebriate.
Did you know: Brian got one of his tattoos while in Israel. It cost him
$70 and a box of Pop-Tarts.
Every month, we will post some random fact about Brian Lee. That
way, you can impress your friends with your knowledge of your favorite
entertaining inebriate.
Did you know: Brian got one of his tattoos while in Israel. It cost him
$70 and a box of Pop-Tarts.
Cerebral
Punishment
Punishment
| next show: To Be Announced |
"Brian-Buster Recommendations":
Tired of trying to figure out what movie to rent? Brian is going to give
you a little help. Here are some movies you may have overlooked...and
some you definitely need to take a pass on. That's right, he's sorting
through the shit, so you don't have to.
Must See: "Amazon Women on the Moon". This is a older flick with an
(at the time) all-star cast. Some jokes may be dated now...but overall,
it's a classic.
Must Avoid: "The Ten". If you look at the cast of this movie, you would
automatically think it is going to be killer funny. With the exception of
one scene.....it's absolute SHIT! Avoid at all costs!
Tired of trying to figure out what movie to rent? Brian is going to give
you a little help. Here are some movies you may have overlooked...and
some you definitely need to take a pass on. That's right, he's sorting
through the shit, so you don't have to.
Must See: "Amazon Women on the Moon". This is a older flick with an
(at the time) all-star cast. Some jokes may be dated now...but overall,
it's a classic.
Must Avoid: "The Ten". If you look at the cast of this movie, you would
automatically think it is going to be killer funny. With the exception of
one scene.....it's absolute SHIT! Avoid at all costs!
