* The Chemically Enhanced Comedy of Brian Lee *

         Bags fly free...so you don't have to!

So, I am traveling up and down the west coast and though I love to drive, I
decided for the sake of time, I would take a flight.   First mistake.  The
flight to my destination went perfectly.  Hell, we even took off and landed
early.  The way back...not so much.

Now, I don't want to give away the name of this shitty airline, but I will give
you a hint:  The name rhymes with Southwest.

To make a long story short, 20 minutes before the flight was supposed to
depart, they decided to cancel the entire flight...no warning, no reason,
just cancelled.  Of course, everyone bum-rushed the desk to find out if
and when they would be leaving.  Now, "Southwest Guy at the Desk"..let's
call him Sam Jackson (because that is who he was trying to look like)
basically told everyone to STFD and STFU, and that he would be getting us
all on flights soon enough.  

Now I have SOME patience, and I know that no matter what I do or say,
it's not getting my ass on a plane any faster.  Everyone else on the flight
didn't see it that way.  It was then that I found out that Southwest Airlines
has it's own set of rules when it comes to booking or re-booking flights:

1.  If you are a good looking blonde, you will get preferential treatment.

2.  If you speak English as a second language, you will get preferential
treatment.

3. The $10 fee for "Early Bird" seating means nothing if you are
re-booked.  You might as well pull a $10 bill out of your wallet and set it
on fire.

4.  If there are empty seats on the flight you are trying to get, Southwest
will make sure that an off-duty Stewardess (that's right, I said it) heading
somewhere on vacation will get that seat before you do.

5.  If you REALLY need to get somewhere, you are shit out of luck.

Fortunately, this time in the airport gave me the opportunity to make
some new friends (and even more so, piss some people off).  Special
thanks to Chris C. and his sons for helping to keep me entertained and  
making sure I didn't slap the shit of the annoying Sorority sluts who spent
the entire time making sure the re-booking process went as slow as
possible.

No fears, though....Sam Jackson made sure THEY were well taken care
of. Thank you, Southwest Airlines.

Till next time......drinks are on me,

BL
next show:   to be announced...soon!
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Counter
Cerebral                           
Punishment
                Reasons to Drink for May:

1 1992 - Rodney King gave his "Can't we all get along" speech.
2 1979 - The Who's movie "Quadrophenia" premiered in London.
3  1969 - Jimi Hendrix was arrested when Canadian customs officials
found heroin in his bag.
4 1976 - KISS performed their first concert in their hometown of New
York City.
5 1940 - Happy Birthday Lance Henriksen.
6 1962 - The first nuclear warhead was fired from the Polaris
submarine.
7 1968 - Happy Birthday Tracy Lords.
8 1886 - Pharmacist Dr. John Styth Pemberton invented what would
later be called "Coca-Cola."
9 1979 - Happy Birthday Rosario Dawson.
10 1974 - Eric Clapton recorded "I Shot the Sheriff."
11 1974 - Steely Dan's "Rikki, Don't Lose That Number" was released.
12 1937 - George Carlin would have been 72 years old today.
13 1964 - Happy Birthday Stephen Colbert.
14 1998 - Frank Sinatra died at the age of 82.
15 1964 - The Smothers Brothers gave their first concert in Carnegie
Hall in New York City.
16 1969 - Pete Townsend was arrested onstage after mistakenly
kicking a New York police officer.
17 1875 - The first Kentucky Derby was run at Louisville, KY.
18 1988 - Happy Birthday Alex S.
19 1945 - Happy Birthday Pete Townsend.
20 1993 - The final episode of "Cheers" was aired.
21 1980 - The movie "The Empire Strikes Back" was released.
22 1967 - "Mister Rogers' Neighborhood" premiered on PBS.
23 1958 - Happy Birthday Drew Carey.
24 1938 - Happy Birthday Tommy Chong.
25 1969 - Led Zeppelin and the Who appeared together in concert at the
Merriweather Post Pavilion.
26 1948 - Happy Birthday Stevie Nicks.
27 1995 - Christopher Reeve was paralyzed after being thrown from his
horse during a jumping event.
28 1977 - The song "Barracuda" was released by Heart.
29 Happy Anniversary Bob & Linda C.
30 1868 - Memorial Day was observed for the first time in the U.S.
31 1930 - Happy Birthday Clint Eastwood.
                      Brian's Bucket List!

Just a random listing of things  Brian wants "to do" before it's all over.      
                                        This month:  Sofia Vergara !
Cerebral                           
Punishment
Next show: To Be Announced.
         "Brian-Buster" Recommendations"

Must See:  "Undocumented".   Independent film looks at a very unique
way to handle that "illegal alien" problem.  Think "Hostel vrs. Arizona".

Must Avoid:  "Don't Be Afraid of the Dark".  This piece of shit should
have been called "Don't Be Bored to Death by this Movie".  
                                            Ask Moose-Tradamus !
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                                       Manitoba Moose, anything!  Your future, love life,
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                                       Question of the Month"!  
                                    
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